The best idea ever came to me after a day filled with thoughts like, “Oh, you have got to be kidding me” and “I need to fake some sincere appreciation”. I’m calling it the “Explanation Buddy”.
It’s a very simple concept. Essentially, we would create a service that would provide a person to join you throughout your day and offer explanations for some of the more baffling things you do.
This stroke of genius came to me after the following twitter exchange:
Me: “Just dumped water on the carpet. No reason. Just did not realize the cap wasn’t on the bottle of water I had been drinking from. Go Me.”
Brilliant friend who should have money thrown at her feet wherever she roams: “I’m sure there was a stain that you have now inadvertently cleaned. Win!”
Yes! She was totally right. Well, not “totally” in that there was actually a stain, but right in that perhaps deep, deep, way-down-there, in my disturbed subconscious, I did feel the need for cleansing. Plus, it’s far more of an acceptable answer than my paying absolutely no attention to what I was doing when I decided to tip the bottle upside down and right side up again out of boredom. Her explanation makes me seem almost preternaturally aware of my surroundings. My explanation makes me sound like I’m easily distracted by shiny objects. Sanity, reason, even shades of psychic ability could be ascribed to you if you call upon the services of the “Explanation Buddy”.
Not convinced? Send me the strangest (not illegal, or I’ll have to have your IP address traced and have you arrested) thing that came out of your mouth today, and I bet we can come up with an excellent explanation for it.
It’s review time at work, and there could not be a more critical time for me to have an “Explanation Buddy” by my side. For instance, when I said, “I’m sorry I missed that deadline—apparently my Psychic Friends Hotline subscription has run out, and I was unaware of the request” to my boss; rather than sitting through the protracted, dismayed silence, I could have pointed to my EB who would have said, “Kate strives to use all resources available to her to anticipate your needs and the needs of everyone who works here for the betterment of the company, the state, the country and all of humanity.” BAM! I would have gone from belligerent to selfless humanitarian in mere seconds.
I can only imagine how helpful an EB would be in social situations.
Me: What the hell are you looking at?
EB: My lady has become aware of your frank, and hopefully admiring, perusal, and is intrigued to learn more about your intentions.
The EB takes me from socially awkward to having gentility and refinement dripping from my fingers. What man could resist? Also, EB doubles as a “wing man” should the situation warrant it.
This idea is gold. Who doesn’t wish that post-stupidity spewing, that they could point to the person next to them who would swiftly step in to explain that your actions were actually well-reasoned, if not downright revolutionary?
All I need is the funding.
I accept checks.
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