I freely admit that I don’t really know how the fancy interweb works. I have some basic skills. I can type. On occasion, I’ve been aware enough to check email. However, I’m a bit fuzzy on the ramifications of certain things that should be innocuous.

For instance…

Let’s say that, perhaps, one evening you are feeling a little blue. Just for argument’s sake, pretend it was your birthday. Pretend there was some wine involved. Imagine that your computer was running and google was whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

What’s a single girl to do?

Should you be punished merely because you might have, perhaps, possibly, under the influence of a mid-life crisis and pinot noir, googled an ex-boyfriend? It’s not like it’s really wrong. I mean, Facebook is all about tracking down and spying on people you know, so it’s practically socially acceptable to google every now and again and again and again. It’s not backtracking on all your fabulous personal growth. They won’t take your chip away. It’s just… um… a tiny bit of succumbing to temptation.

So, it’s completely wrong that it can come back to haunt you. Whatever happened to the theory behind victimless crime? Live and let google!

I just found a service that allows you to find out all the people (presumably through their computer IDs) that have searched for your name—every, single person. This could be bad. This could be very bad. And not even because I have something to hide—because I don’t… you know, mostly. But a little harmless stalking of an ex is the right of every person who has ever been dumped. They should never be able to find out that you put in his name, his wife’s name and divorce in a search engine… a couple of times. Just to use a completely theoretical example, of course.

Also, what if you pay for the service and find out that no one has looked for your name—ever. I mean, I can see huge therapy bills for legions of people who consider themselves to be web famous. It’s completely disheartening to go from “legend in your own time” to “legend in your own mind”.

Sigh. I’ve learned my lesson. I guess the next time temptation strikes, I’ll just have to do the responsible, mature, adult thing.

Use someone else’s computer.


10 comments on “Victimless”

  1. AJB

    Oh my gosh! I sort of want to know the name of the service but I also sort of don’t! Ultimately I don’t think I want to “go there.” I don’t know anyone who has used it, at least not yet. Technology is getting creepier and creepier! Worse than handprints on the outside of an upper floor window. 🙂

  2. Kate, Dating in LA

    LOL!! You know, the funny thing is, the service was being advertized on Facebook– the home of social stalking.LOL!! Totally creepier than handprints on our windows.

  3. Elizabeth

    LMAO Yes definitely use someone else’s computer, or seriously try the library. It totally gets the job done. Uhmm…not that I would know or anything. Anyways moving on.So that new thingy that allows you to see who has searched your name kinda sucks! Is there no more privacy?? First myspace now this!!! Can we no longer stalk in peace?:P

  4. danielletbd

    What are the odds the ex would use such a service, though? What are the odds anyone would, unless they’re some sort of narcissitic D-List celeb or otherwise paranoid? I mean, searching for people who search for you is a bit weird and a bit stalkerish in and of itself. What do you even do with that information? Go ask those people who “adore you” enough to Google you to be your FB friends??PS: I totally Google myself in order to see which of my articles land where in Google pages.

  5. Penelope

    While this service is a bit creepy and inconvenient, I’m much more concerned with you actually googling the Ex. I’m sensing the need for an intervention here. Continuing to google stalk the Ex at this point is like dying slowly from a paper cut. The first step to recovery is to admit you need help. Then you’ve got to surrender to a higher power. Wine is my higher power, but you can choose whatever works for you. Seriously.

  6. Dee Murray

    Wow! That is a little creepy! Maybe Google will come out with an anti-search to counteract this potential nightmare! Like G-mail’s “unsend” button: you can search then take it back…no foul…maybe a teensy bit of harm. Curiosity killed the cat, I say! PS: Is it bad that I once Googled an Ex- and “obituary” in the same search??

  7. danielletbd

    PS I have a solution for what Penelope is saying: give me his name, and I’ll Google stalk for you 🙂 Its got to be slightly less unhealthy if friends google for each other!

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