It is possible that I’ve been in LA for too long.
Sex Tape Cynicism
When I read on Starpulse (http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2009/08/17/eric_dane_aamp_rebecca_gayheart_sex_tape_1) that a sex tape was leaked involving Eric Dane and his wife (and some random woman), my first thought was not, “How shocking!” or even, “He’s hot!” Nope, my reaction was “which one of them has a movie coming out?” Seriously, I just don’t think the new season of Gray’s Anatomy is sex-tape-leak worthy, so one of them has got to a movie coming out. Because otherwise, this is just stupid—I mean how difficult is it to keep track of your sex tapes? They don’t tend to wander off on their own. Are you bringing them to parties because someone said they were showing home movies of their vacation, and you wanted to share, too? Because otherwise, they shouldn’t be leaving the house. Also, you probably shouldn’t mark them “Sex Tape, Please Don’t Steal This and Leak It To The Press”. Not only does that take up way too much room on the DVD label (and you like to keep those things pithy and neat), but it sort of seems like taunting—particularly unwise if you gave your assistant a terrible Christmas bonus.
Update: I’ve heard now that it’s just a “naked” tape and not a sex tape. Well, sure. Who hasn’t done that? That’s the first thing I do when friends come over– the clothes come off, and I grab that camera. Or, no.
Update2: Now it appears that he’s not even naked. It’s just the, seemingly stoned, women in bathtub. The third party insists that her computer hard-drive was stolen by singer Mindy McCready during some celebrity rehab stint after a fight. Folks, I could not make this shit up.
Also on Starpulse today, I learned that Robin Wright Penn is once again just saying “no” to Sean (http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2009/08/17/robin_wright_penn_rules_out_reconciliati). This is a sad thing, though not really surprising given the back and forth and back and forth and…. Still, yelling out, “Who had August in the divorce pool?” really isn’t appropriate.
The lack of actual weather in LA has solidified my love for weather porn. I should have gone into producing weather specials. I’m fascinated with weather. I see really only one problem: I don’t really like to be in weather. So, I’d have to send other people out to do the filming because tornadoes terrify me. Also, hurricanes look like they are not quite so delightful to wander in, despite how engrossing they are on TV. Oooh, also, I hate snow unless I’m inside wrapped in a blankie with the heat flowing. Ok, so technically, I should be producing special weather programming from my couch featuring Rob Marciano. Or Reynolds Wolf. Or… well, any boy with a degree in meteorology who looks good wet while trying to hold onto his baseball cap, microphone and pants all at the same time. [Note: Chloe and I decided today that Reynolds Wolf sounds like a character’s name on a soap opera or Harlequin romance. He is, in fact, a delightful and intelligent man with no signs of flowing, Fabio-like locks.] Or maybe I could just write weather related novels. @Toonses88 on twitter suggested, “The night was sultry” so I’m practically writing it already. No, I’m not desperately looking for ways to do something more interesting with my life. What makes you say that?
Maybe not so much radar love, but missives promising me astrologically sound love caught my attention. Clearly, my only problem has been that I’ve been gazing at men with the wrong astrological signs. It’s not that I don’t talk to them, they don’t talk to me, or the hiding in the apartment thing. No, the universe has been trying to send me signs. Being appropriately beaten down by the Los Angeles “what-the-hell-is-dating-oh-you-mean-sex-after-more-than-the-first-hour-of-acquaintance-but-that’s-so-1950” social scene, I took a gander. Yeah. This is also not about dating. This is about finding someone erotically compatible (a word I misspelled twice, by the way). Still, for all of you who are now curious:
According to this, I have an “enthusiasm for all things carnal”.
Yeah. I haven’t stopped laughing either.