Things this week that made me go, “hmmmmmm”:
1. The bank near my building has two walk-up ATMs and a drive-thru ATM. The theory behind this doesn’t seem all that complicated: if you are in a car, you drive up to the ATM, and if you are on foot, you walk up the gradual incline to use the walk-up ATM. Does this seem really confusing? Am I losing anybody here? No? Well, you are officially at least 10 steps ahead of the woman I encountered earlier in the week who kept three cars waiting while she stood at the drive-thru ATM doing about a month’s worth of banking. Did I mention that both walk-up ATMs were empty?
2. Pedestrians in LA clearly have a death wish—there can be no other explanation for holding a conversation with another person while standing the middle of crosswalk. In fact, if you continue to have conversations while standing nearly motionless while a car is desperately trying to finally get through a traffic light, it’s actually entirely legal for that car to hit you just for being stupid. No, seriously, that’s an actual law now. I totally did not just make that one up. Nope. Not me.
3. Cars that stop right after they’ve gotten through an intersection just because they can confuse me. This woman in a big black SUV got through a stop sign, made a turn and then just stopped leaving the car that turned behind her in the middle of the intersection (because that driver did logically believe that her car was going to keep going). Since that second car was stuck in the intersection, the car behind it couldn’t proceed and so on. There were probably 6 cars involved in this little backup, all patiently (no horns, but I’m sure wild, internal, Chloe-style swearing) waiting for the SUV to move, again.
Did the SUV breakdown? No. Was it making another turn? No. Was it trying to avoid hitting someone crossing the street? No. It was just stopped. The driver appeared to be having some sort of a thought, and that was clearly too much for her. Everyone knows you shouldn’t multitask while driving and the act of contemplation must have been so rare for this woman, that she was stymied by it. Either that, or it was actually this woman stopping again so that the paparazzi could get a “surprise” shot of her driving. And for the record, I have idea who she is, or why anyone would give a damn about her driving somewhere.
4. Why is it legal to shove a camera up someone’s dress on a public street? Look, these pantyless, rehab girls might be asking for some attention, but it seems like the paparazzi are constantly going for the crotch shot now. I swear to you, I saw a photo of Jessica Alba (pregnant Jessica Alba) walking down the street. She was wearing a long-ish skirt. And there was a photog behind her trying to get his camera under the skirt. He was practically on the ground behind her to try to get this shot. What the hell? How is that legal? For that matter, why is it legal for tabloids and the like to make money off of someone else’s image? Surely if someone is making money off of you, you should be entitled to some of that coin. A lawyer I know explained it as the difference between entertainment and news. Now all I need is to explain to me why someone walking to Starbucks is news.
5. Nearly all the covers of the glossy entertainment magazines confused me. Who are these people? How does one end up on a non-reality, reality show? I mean, other than through a sex tape? It’s funny because when acting teachers used tot tell me that it was important to get “tape on myself” for casting directors, I don’t think they had the new “stolen” sex tape craze in mind.
6. Don’t worry. Anal bleaching and vaginal rejuvenation still have me confused, as well.
Kate, perpetually confused and cheering for the Cavs!