I was seduced, I tell you! No, not in the romantic sense of candles, flowery talk and promises of an investment portfolio miraculously unscathed by the recent economic turndown; I mean in the sense that I foolishly believed that I was safe. Safe from the ghosts of Christmas past. Safe from the evils of the world (ie many of the people I knew in high school). Safe from the lack of drama in a town known as ex-boyfriend-ville. Safe.

Informal messaging medium (ie Facebook) seduced me into believing that only the most fun people in my life would find me. It was blissful. People befriended me (and those of you who haven’t, please do… provided I like you)—most of whom I actually knew, which is rarely the case on myspace anymore. For many, many months, I believed that it would all just remain an entertaining, sharing place.

I’m here to tell you, Facebook is not safe.

It began with friend requests from people that sparked distant, and yet distinctly uncomfortable, memories. I’m pretty sure people who didn’t like me in high school are now my “friends” on Facebook. Ok. Fine. We all grow, mature. Oh, what the hell am I saying? No, we don’t. I have no idea why they are my friends on Facebook, since I’m pretty sure we haven’t thought of each other in any sort of warm and/or fuzzy way in about 25 years. But there they are—all calling me a nickname I haven’t used since I was 20. Swell.

Next came the ex-boyfriends of friends. Now, I liked the friends, but I’m pretty sure I had absolutely no difficulty ignoring the existence of their ex’s (as any good friend would) once they firmly moved them out of the picture. Why are we all pretending to be friends now? In addition, I’m getting friend requests from the “hangers on”. You know—the guys who came with the ex’s of friends. But not only are those people reaching out beyond the high school memory graveyard, but they also want to send me things and add me to their birthday calendars. Huh? I don’t want to remember my own birthday this year—I certainly don’t want the distant hanger on friend of friend’s ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago bringing it up.

I know what you are thinking—just reject their friend request. But I can’t. That seems rude, in a way that bitching about it all here on blogspot does not. I know, I have a confusing ethical guide. Love me.

But today… the very nearly final blow occurred. My happy, drama free social networking came to a jarring halt, when I saw his name. The Ex. He commented on a photo I commented on—hell, he commented on a photo I took. But he wasn’t commenting to me.

And I froze. We haven’t “spoken” since the great text message fiasco of March ’08. I’ve been way too busy to moon about and think of him… often…as much… whatever. Still, I’ve been really good. He had his busy new, happy husband life, and I had my… um… you know… um… whatever it is that I’m doing.

But time stopped today. I’m sure you noticed it. That grinding, screeching sound was me seeing the Facebook message “________ also commented on ______’s photo”. That name. Can’t mistake it. It’s unusual. And all of a sudden, these many, many months later, there it was in front of me again.

I didn’t look him up. I didn’t do a search for him. I’m pretty sure he’s new to Facebook because he’s never had the time for this sort of thing. I’ll probably not see his name appear ever again.

And yet….

What will my reaction be when a “friend request” notice comes my way? And more likely, how will I feel when it doesn’t?

Seduced, I tell you – lulled into a belief that this particular button was done being pushed.

How ridiculous of me.


3 comments on “Seduced!”

  1. danielletbd

    Send me a facebook message with his name. I’ll look him up– see if he seems happy with his wife and whatnot and be a bit enabling 🙂 But seriously, it isn’t rude to to reject people on FB because they don’t even see a “Kate has rejected you” message” so chances are they won’t realize that’s what happened– they’ll either think you just haven’t gotten around to checking your requests in awhile, or they’ll forget they requested you in the first place.

  2. Helen

    I have recently had a similar dilemma. Someone I wasn’t ever friends with in high school sent me a friend request and I felt too guilty to ignore it. (It is good to know that they don’t receive word that I’ve ignored them…I think I may be more bold next time!) I’ve actually considered making a second Facebook page with an alias only people I actually know and like can use. I know this is ridiculous, but while I love the fact that I’ve reconnected with a couple of friends with whom I’d lost touch, I’m not excited about people who never were my friends having access to my life.

  3. Dee Murray

    Goodness! I run away to the North Pole for one little week and the world as we know it turns upside down! This is precisely why I have no facbook/myspace/ page…I’m barely good with people I actually like! And I’d be too wigged out by any blasts from my past! Then there’s my underlying 4th grade fear: “What if I throw a Facebook and nobody comes?” I’m too petite a flower to take that kind of rejection. Of course getting sucked back into the Ex Vortex is never a comforting way to pass the time. Evil, I say! You held fast, I hope?

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