Have The Relationship You Want

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I’ve been reading Rori Raye’s ebook: Have the Relationship you Want.  I wasn’t sure I’d get much out of it– I’m not in a relationship… in fact, I’m so far away from one that I can barely remember what the thing looks like.  But I took the plunge anyway to see what Ms. Raye had to say.

I was genuinely surprised by how much I enjoyed the book.   While obviously focused on those who are currently married or in relationships, it also speaks to those who want to avoid bad relationship patterns in the future, and (perhaps most relevant to me) for those in the process of making broader changes in their lives.


“It’s about Letting Go to get what you want.”

Sounds easy, right?  Not so easy for a person like me who genuinely tries to worry about every aspect of relationships (and life) in order to better control the outcome.  It never works because I can’t absolutely determine the behavior of other people (mores the pity). But, bonus points, those attempts do frustrate me.  As Ms. Raye points out: “That effort makes us tense.  And worse, it makes us closed to the possibilities of synchronicity.  It makes us closed to the outstretched hearts of rel live men.”  In my case, it makes me more closed off to the opportunities around me in whatever form they take.

The book covers a lot of ground by breaking down Raye’s approach into the “5 Keys to Creating a Great Relationship.”  She helps the reader find ways to change their concepts of how a successful relationship (or first date) should be designed and how to communicate with partners in ways that will help reduce the drama of a relationship and allow real listening to occur.

Of course, much of this work does compel the reader to really sit down and think about exactly what it is that they want.  There is power in making a choice for a healthy relationship (with a man, but also with yourself), but that can’t happen without some soul-searching and determination of what the reader’s real goals are.  The good thing is that once that decision is make, Raye provides the reader with a plethora of helpful exercises to keep you (and me) from falling back on negative (and self-sabotaging) patterns.

Let’s face it: there are times when I get in my own way.  Hell, I do it six or seven times a week.  So, I actually did a number of the relationship exercises in the book– not just to get a man to notice me over every other woman this summer (though that would be a delightful change), but for me to notice me this summer.

How can you do this, too?  Well, I’m going to make you read the book for that.  But let’s just say I’ll be spending more time trying “to be” and less time listening to the inner voice shouting negatives that spark a fear that is often unproductive, demotivating and ultimately paralyzing.  Just being rather than “overfunctioning” (a chapter written just for me, I’m sure!) is a challenge that I recognize.  I also recognize that by constantly feeling the pressure “to do,” I’m robbing myself of the chance to just experience life, a man, the moment, etc.

Will this help me date in LA? It is possible that by rediscovering the joy in me, others will see it, too.  It’s not that there won’t be moments of self-doubt and frustration– particularly when I’m out in the world trying to engage. I’m just hoping that some of Rori Raye’s exercises help shift the balance a bit.

Are you ready to try shifting the way you relate to your partner (and yourself)?  Purchase your copy of Rori Raye’s “Have The Relationship You Want” http://bit.ly/Pd9yRL and give it a read.

Good luck!!

To learn more tricks to having the relationship you want, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll discover a whole new way to relate to a man – from the moment you meet him, all the way through commitment and marriage – so that you finally have the secure, loving, lasting relationship you’ve always wanted.


4 comments on “Have The Relationship You Want”

  1. Helen

    Ahh, yet another relationship/self-help book. Sadly, if we could help ourselves simply by reading books we’d all be wealthy, fit, in wildly satifisying relationships and experiencing the joy all around us. Humans are wired to function in relationship to others so working on ourselves in isolation is rarely very effective. As Americans are obsessed with self-improvement and taught that we must “go it alone” in the manner of the rugged individual of our folk history. This is great for people who write self-help books. Reading these books makes us feel like we are doing something. When we don’t end up making any lasting change, we blame ourselves and we buy another book. You should probably switch from writing about the myth of dating in LA and start giving dating/relationship advice..it could be rather lucrative!

  2. Kate Dating

    I do like giving my opinion, and I do like money. You might be on to something! However, I should point out that this book includes both work on the self and work you are supposed to do with your partner. Alas, I don’t have a partner, so I could really only focus on the “me” bit.

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