Photo of Patricia Steffy by Meghan Wilson

Take a look at how you relate to the world around you for a moment. Think about how you cope with your daily life. You seem pretty well-adjusted, don’t you?  You aren’t in prison. You don’t have an account with the local drug lord. You and your friends have mutual non-aggression pacts in place, and you like most of them (and most of them like you).

Now go find a stranger and explain your life to him/her.

I’ll wait.

Terrifying, isn’t it?  Explaining your life, your reactions, your coping mechanisms and your choices to a stranger is impossible—and you are never as neurotic than when you try to do it.

Normally, we are great self-editors. No one advocates for full disclosure during job interviews. Thank goodness for that otherwise the odds of ever being gainfully employed would not be good.

However, when it comes to dating, disclosure does end up becoming necessary. For instance, if you are a serial killer, that could be a deal breaker. You need to get that out there. Unless you are actually stalking your date for a future kill, and then I get your hesitancy. Otherwise, the little foibles and the major sinkholes of being you probably need to be mentioned along the way—perhaps not all on the first date, but eventually.

I used to think that the best relationships were ones that involved a lot of common interests, but perhaps all we are really looking to do is meet someone who has a compatible set of neuroses? Tricky. Very tricky.

Personally, I think the ones that work involve someone who sees your wonderful brand of insanity and accepts it. Sure, it would be baffling. We’ve come to assume that the 22 year old, fair-haired, baggage free option is always preferable (and plentiful in Los Angeles). Meeting someone who really sees you and still wants to know you? That is… well, that’s highly suspicious actually… but in a fairly amazing kind of way.