To the Men of Los Angeles

I realize that I’ve indicated before that I would prefer to return to a more civilized time of dating—where a gentleman caller left his intention to speak to you with an engraved card on a silver tray rather than yelling outside your window “Yo, am I gonna hit dat or what?” I’m really not that rigid. For instance, the tray totally doesn’t have to be silver. Pewter is fine.

But most of all, I need to understand that a man is not mocking me, and that he is indeed asking me a leading question— a question leading to a potential date, that is. It’s hard enough to decipher the ever changing vernacular of the modern male without adding the filter of “Los Angeles” to it.

So, here is a tip: “you have a really interesting energy” accomplishes neither of these things in my world. I have no idea what that means. “Interesting” in this case could be anything from a positive affirmation to a “she really needs to be institutionalized”. “Interesting energy” is something I expect from a therapist (or an actor), not a date.

Please forgive me if once hit with that comment I don’t immediately jump at the chance to find some sort of soy product with you. I just don’t realize that this is your attempt at a pass. I’m not saying that you should start with “nice rack” (although, it totally is), but perhaps something a bit more direct so that my nonplussed look doesn’t hurt your feelings.

Kate, now carrying an English to Los Angeles Male dictionary at all times

2 comments on “To the Men of Los Angeles”

  1. danielletbd

    Taking the risk of sounding like a complete Valley Girl: OMG, I totally know what you mean!! Okay, for me, saying something like: “You have an interesting story” is kind of a backhanded compliment: it’s enough to get me excited that maybe the guy wants to hear more, but also enough to tell me his eyes will probably start to wander during my monologue, looking for someone else he can try that line out on. The line itself is not genuine or unique, but it is the behavior he couples with it that can give you the clue: does he take your hand and actually look at you when he says it? Or does he look down at his drink and casually take a sip? That sort of thing. And though I do enough reading of people when they don’t know I’m doing it, I don’t want to HAVE to do it with every potential “suitor” (there’s an old-fashioned dating word for you… there should be a dictionary, like Ye Olde English… okay I’m going to stop now. It’s too early in the morning, and I think my dog’s hungry anyway)

  2. D. Murray

    How could anyone think that “interesting” is a compliment? I, of course, would have assumed that it was the exact opposite, and therefore done something completely adult like make fun of his sandals (he WAS wearing sandals, wasn’t he?) before running to the car to cry. And men think WE’RE vague!

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