They’re Stealing What?

“Penis theft panic hits city…”

I swear to you, this is a real headline. It’s from a Reuters article, so I don’t think it’s a hoax, either. Obviously, this is a very serious news story…very serious… stop laughing…I’m not laughing. Those tears streaming down my face and the shaking are all elements of fear for the men of Democratic Republic of Congo.

To summarize, the men of DRC believe that sorcery is behind rampant cursing of the always magical male equipment. In short (bada bum), men claim to be having encounters with people (strange men in cabs wearing gold rings are always good to avoid) capable of making the genitals “disappear”—as in making them either impotent, or leaving them with a very tiny package. People who have actually been arrested because the last time there was penis panic, 12 people were beaten to death after being suspected of the hexings.

Sure, it’s probably not health concerns, diet, steroid use, drug use, age, a sudden cold snap or genetics. I’d go straight for the witchcraft angle, too. It’s fascinating to read about a widespread panic based on male insecurity. Then again, there is this quote:

“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny”

I’m not sure how this stranger at the phone card stand saw this guy’s… uh… problem, but I guess I might want to blame others to if this was the case. How are the police substantiating the claims? Are there before and after photos? That’s bound to be one hell of a police report.

Look, it’s not as if I don’t understand these concerns. I’ve had more than one penis stolen from me over the years. If I were the DRC police, I’d be looking for blondes, usually in their 20s.

Never say I’m not all about public safety.

Kate, who swears this won’t become a private parts blog… unless I keep reading stories like this

1 comment on “They’re Stealing What?”

  1. Dee Murray

    I watch late night tv – I know the hex is real!! And I’m sure this is why all the American witch doctors have been working on the magic blue, diamond-shaped, good ju-ju seed! Men…always thinking with their magic.

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