Apparently, the solution to all the world’s problems does not rest with governments, personal responsibility, or me winning the lottery (I know, that last one was a shock to me, too). No, the solution to the world’s problems rests on penis enlargement and the ability to make those elongated members harder for days.
Don’t believe me? Check my email. I have 3700 emails in a general account. That’s right—3700. It’s supposed to be a business account. Alas, unless I’ve suddenly gotten a job as Dr. Ruth’s assistant, this was not the kind of business correspondence I had in mind.
But I can’t help but be grateful for the sage guidance being provided by my new correspondence. For instance, Mohammed asks the age old question: “Are you ready for endless December nights full of endless pleasure?” I have to say, the answer to that is yes. I’d just like to know why I have to wait until December.
Dongjin has promised to “restore power to my groins”. Awesome. I had no idea power had been shut off to my groins. I must have missed that bill last month. Can’t have my groins going dark, and resorting to groin by candlelight. It sounds most dangerous.
I’m dismayed by dell’s assertion, “Youis measured by the siz of your love tool.” Mostly because I’m not entirely certain I have a love tool immediately available, and if “I is” measured by that, I sense trouble may be afoot!
And while I’m uncertain as to how Reagan’s proclamation that I can “make chix tremble with excitement” or Jayme’s declaration that I can, “make all the girls in the neighborhood long for you” does me a bit of good, I’m eager to chat more with Carrie Maloney who intoned, “Relax. Take a Deep Breath. We have the answers you seek.” Carrie is clearly an Oracle. All I need to do is give her my credit card number or bank routing number. Thank goodness these modern day Oracles have made it so convenient to make the necessary sacrifice for enlightenment!
But first, an email to Charrli who claims to know “how to solve your everyday male problems”. Well, I certainly have problems with men every day, so this should be most informative. I’ll let you know how it goes.