The Club

I’ve just returned from the first meeting of the “ass-lickers” club. My friend Pen came up with the idea after reading the blog I posted a while ago. Her theory was that as we had all clearly taken the wrong turn at some point, we should meet and try to come up with concrete ways to get headed in the right direction.

This sounds entirely logical, right?

Mostly, we got sidetracked on a discussion of the advantages of running a cult—financially, socially, sexually… you know, the usual banter. Then we had margaritas.

Shockingly, we haven’t come up with a plan that won’t someday involve an FBI investigation. But you should definitely stay tuned.

I’m not discouraged. I’m really good when I have an actual goal in front of me. I’m terrible when dealing with abstract things like, “I want things to be better.” “Better” is a far too nebulous concept. I like lists. I liked spreadsheets. I like to be able to check things off when I get something finished. Seriously, checking things off a list makes me absurdly happy. Not going-out-for-a-delightful-conversation-with-George-Clooney happy, but absurdly happy none-the-less.

So, I have the club, paper, pencils and a general desire. Now, all I need is a plan. Any minute now it will come to me. Any minute. Any…

Ooooh shiny.

6 comments on “The Club”

  1. Dee Murray

    It is a religion – not a cult. "Cults" sound so nefarious! Religions have nice things like cows and cheese and chickens and flowers!

  2. Helen

    1) I did not realize that was the first meeting. I would have kept minutes. Hush. I would NOT have spilled tequila on them.2) I resent the fact that you trivialize my obviously fool-proof plan of starting my own religion. I'm quite sure that this is my true calling and the best way for me to escape the pit of despair! Plus, as supreme leader, I get a stable of men and minions to do my bidding. Besides, you already said I had to avoid anything illegal and we all know I'm in no shape for the poll.

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