Suspect Crush

Another Saturday night has come and gone, and because I love the night life (I’ve got to boogie), I spent it trying to upgrade my desktop computer. Sure, some people have told me to just throw out my computer—toss it aside after years of faithful companionship to find a sleeker, faster, sexier model. But that sounds so… male.

Instead, I’ve decided to treat it to an upgrade. This is, in part, because I’ve discovered that I can convert my existing DVDs to iPod format—all I need is more space. I’m putting in a shiny new hard drive, and I’m upgrading my USB ports. But most importantly, I’m working through our problems. I’m not just leaving it after years and years with some lame “we don’t have enough in common for a long-term relationship” line. No! I’m saying, “I’m so grateful for the time we’ve had together, and I want to work at it to make our relationship stronger”.

This decision to embrace computer therapy led me to Best Buy last night—and to what may be an entirely inappropriate crush on my Geek Squad agent.

I know that there is some sort of ethical (schmethical) code about a therapist getting involved with his/her patients. But technically, I’m not the patient here. As long as the Geek Squad guy doesn’t get involved with my computer, we should be in the clear. Although he is rooting around in the insides of my computer right now, so I’m not sure how much more intimate he can get with it. Hmmmm.

It occurs to me that I almost have to date this guy—not just because he’s handy with computers, although that is obviously something that would be useful down the road. No, I think it’s a necessity because once a guy has seen your personal hard drive, and what it contains, there really aren’t too many more secrets to be shared. It’s pretty much date him, or have him killed. Of course, I realized this after I turned over the computer, and he hooked it up to a big monitor to make sure it was fully functional before working on it.

There is nothing like that sudden “oh, oh, I wonder what is on there” feeling when it is already too late to do anything about it. Luckily, I’m 90% sure that I’ve deleted the naked David Duchovny photos. Sadly, I don’t have any naked George Clooney photos to delete (thankfully, I do have Solaris, though). It’s not like there is porn on the computer, although I suppose some of that fanfiction might count (although it’s literature, really… no, really, really!). It’s more a—wow, if he checks out iTunes, I’m never getting a date.

The Geek Squad agent was quite cute, but he had a touch of rebel—perhaps hipster in him. Normally, I shy away from this kind of guy. I’m old school; I don’t want to have to fight with my boyfriend over which of us gets to wear the little silver hoop earrings. But he was cute enough to overlook this potential pitfall.

I’d seen enough episodes of “Chuck” to know that there was a chance that my agent could be adorable with a mysterious side. But the show also led me astray—Chuck looks like he’s in his late 20’s at least. My hipster is quite possibly 22ish. Eeeek!!

And right now the crush, which is suspect from its inception because of his near infancy, isn’t thinking, “hey, she was sort of cute for an old, clueless broad”. Instead, he’s thinking, “Manilow?”

I can only hope he doesn’t happen upon my scans of my junior and high school photos. They weren’t good years for me, as no one had yet suggested curling iron restraint.


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