Shocking News Flash!

Shocking News Flash! I’ve just been informed that in order to start dating, I will have to leave my apartment. Has the world gone mad???? Haven’t I suffered enough?

Were you people aware of this? How could you not email and warn me of this sort of thing? It’s just proper etiquette, sort of along the lines of the emergency broadcast system– I should be receiving notices from informed parties in the event of earthquake, famine, flood and any other force of nature that might propel me from my home.

Plus, if I leave, doesn’t that mean that I might not be giving the pizza delivery men (eg Patrick Dempsey in Loverboy) a fair shot? That seems elitist and wrong. I’m all about the fairness.

Also, if I go out, how will I explain why I’ve still got a death grip on my tv remote? Men aren’t all that perceptive when it comes to things like new shoes, but someone is going to notice my shiny silver universal. I’m sorry, did one of you actually just think “leave the remote at home”. Sheyah… like that’s going to happen.

Kate, Dating in LA

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