I must preface this blog with the admission that I have only heard about this specimen sighting and was not an actual witness to these statements or sentiments (and possible rending of cloth).
My friend L has met two men who were lamenting over the fact that they can never find women to date because the women they meet just want to have sex and then move on. LAMENTING! I don’t know if there were actual tears, but there may have been.
Now before you make any snap judgments about these men, you should know that they are both successful men (actors) under 45 (one is actually in his late 20s), seemingly intelligent and attractive. What I found most interesting is that they felt like women didn’t take them seriously as real partners, only hook-up buddies at the end of the night. I’m not saying that they haven’t taken women up on these offers, but I am saying that they appear to be looking for something different– and they aren’t finding it.
There could be many reasons for this.
1. They are looking in the wrong places. It is truly rare when a loving relationship based on shared intellectual passions and respect is born from a meeting at a club. Everyone there makes the assumption that everyone else is a player. And being actors they have both perception and fame-whores working against them. So, if these guys are searching the clubs for the future Mrs, they are probably going to be finding drunk 23 year old girls rolling the dice at STD roulette instead.
2. If they are staying home because they hate “the scene” then they aren’t meeting anybody. OR they do what I do and go to places that aren’t conducive to extended conversation with strangers (like movies, theater, etc).
3. Women in LA decided at some point to behave like men. They saw the only women engaging with men at all were women who adapted to the casual sex environment. The problem is, I don’t know a ton of women who actually respected that “come and go” behavior when men were the only ones doing it. It can’t come as a shock that many men don’t either. Oh, they still have sex with those girls, but now no one seems particularly fulfilled with the choice. Don’t get me wrong– a lot of people are having sex, but I just don’t see a lot of people who are happy.
4. L has not yet given them the names of the 40 awesome single women she knows not looking for players or casual anything.
I wish I had the answer. I’d like to say that if both genders valued real connection over one hour stands, then the shift would occur out of necessity. But I can’t see that happening as long as people think that “keeping it simple” actually keeps anything simple or creates anything real (except for those STDs, of course– those you get to keep).