While wandering over the ATM to play the lottery (come on big money!), I was momentarily distracted by a number of dresses at the Ron Herman store. In fact, one of them was very much like this one , although there was sort of a ruffle at the bottom.

I now bring to you my musings on this dress.

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Right Kate: oooooh, pretty

Left Kate: You are way too old to wear that dress.

Right Kate: oooooh, pretty

Left Kate: Between your breasts and its lack of defined waistline, you’d look pregnant in this dress—pregnant and desperate because you are obviously too old to wear this dress.

Right Kate: oooo—that was mean—pretty. Besides, if I wear it with opaque stockings or leggings, I’d look adorable.

Left Kate: You’d look like 40 year old trying to look like a 16 year old. The mannequin in the display is standing next to school books. That should be a tip right there. If you don’t have the need for an Algebra 2 book, you don’t need this dress.

Right Kate: I’m not 40 yet. Plus, I’m sure I could buy an Algebra 2 book somewhere. Look how flirty, yet studious I would appear!

Left Kate: Just because your ex married a 10 year old, does not mean you should be marketing yourself to the nearest high school football team.

Right Kate: She wasn’t 10—12 maybe, but definitely not 10. You will not distract me. I’d look like Jessica Alba in this dress.

Left Kate: Yes, you would. If she were shorter, fatter and much older. No really, maybe Ron Herman makes a mu mu, or something with a nice cardigan more befitting your style and vintage. Oooh, how about something that covers the ass that ate Manhattan?

Right Kate: It’s not that short. As long as I don’t do anything dangerous in it, I should be fine.

Left Kate: Dangerous as in bending slightly forward? God forbid you try to sit down in that thing. You’d pull a Britney.

Right Kate: No, I wouldn’t. I wear underwear.

Left Kate: Oh, right. You’d be fine then. Have a go.

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But seriously—I’m too old, aren’t I? So sad.

Kate, Dating (well, shopping) in LA