When I was in graduate school I knew many women who were not only going to school, but also getting married, having kids, and working it all out. It wasn’t easy for them, but they were doing it.

“Honeymoon during my exams? Sure, I’ll call my professors and rearrange them all. No problem!” (she says with a chipper, Martha Stewart smile on her face)

“You want to have a baby while I’m in my medical residency? Absolutely!! That’s what research years are for!”

“You need me take the kids tonight? Well, I was planning on sneaking across the border into occupied France, but a little early covert training will probably be good for them. And if we get trapped there, at least they’ll pick up the language easily since they are so young.”

Ok, slight exaggeration… it was Soviet Siberia, not France, but you get the idea.

Then I think back on the men. These were nice, educated, quality men. And they were equally ready to make sacrifices for … their… um… oh… wait… no

“You want me to think about going away for the weekend? But I have a thesis to write… over the next 6 years. I need to focus.”

“You want a birthday card? Why are you putting this pressure on me? You know I have a big conference call next month.”

Is it biology? Women are designed to be multitaskers—after all, they continue to function and be pregnant. Is it societal? A woman expects to take on the role of the great accommodator?

In an odd way it reminds me of the old song “Sex, I’m a” by Berlin. Brilliant piece of social commentary in many ways (which seemed so scandalous and shocking to me at the time). Think about the woman’s part in that song—She keeps rattling off different facets of who she is (has to be?) in the relationship: goddess, virgin, blue movie, mother, little girl, slave, one night stand, dream divine.

What does the guy say? What is his role? “I’m a man”. It’s all he says throughout the entire song. “I’m a man”.

Seriously? Woohooo. Thank goodness I’m leaving my house for that 🙂

Kate, who is in no way bitter, dating in LA

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