I am an excellent planner. I even add in a dash of relentless worry for free. So, you know I’m good. Apparently, what I’m not good at is making the plan actually result in something positive.
I decided that if I just had half an hour extra every morning, many of my problems would be solved. Vaguely remembering the bright, over-achiever I used to be, I decided that getting up half an hour earlier would be far better than being organized. Please keep in mind that before the plan, I was getting up at 5:00am.
Clearly, with this extra half hour I would: 1) write this blog every day, 2) straighten up the apartment, 3) exercise, 4) actually dry my hair instead of hanging my head out the window on the way to work and 5) be more than 2 ½ seconds early for work. Also, I was fairly certain I could become the world’s best fundraiser, solve the world hunger crisis and be voted “World’s sexiest” something-or-another.
I set the alarm for 4:30am and was enormously proud of my desire to take action.
I did this two weeks ago.
Yep. You can already tell that it hasn’t resulted in witty morning banter flowing through this blog. In fact, I have not managed to do any of things that I thought I would suddenly be able to do.
What I have done:
- Watched the Castle episode that aired the night before that I couldn’t stay awake for because I was getting up so damn early
- Watched Chilean miner rescue (totally worth it, go team miners!)
- Stayed in bed listening to awesome 80s mix on the radio
- Stayed in bed wondering what Clooney was doing
- Stayed in bed wondering what Duchovny was doing
- Stayed in bed with head under covers realizing that no matter what was happening for #4 and #5 at that moment, it was going to be way better than my day at work
- Fell asleep in shower
- Threw apartment into even greater disarray looking for my mysteriously disappearing cell phone which stayed hidden for the full 30 minutes despite the fact that I could hear it ringing because I kept calling it from my house phone
- Spent 30 minutes going over the greatest moments of my “why God why” rant from 1999 (classics)
- Stared at television in the living room in confusion when it wouldn’t turn on. Stared at television in the living room in profound consternation when I realized it was unplugged—which is tricky because it’s hard to reach that plug. And I didn’t do it. And I live alone.
So… mixed results?
On the upside, I did definitively prove that it would be easier for me to build a time machine than try to get the abs of those Glee kids through exercise at my current stage of decay. So, that’s something.
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