As I sit here on a balcony overlooking the ocean, on this the first day of my 44th year of existence, I find myself musing about all the things I once planned for someday when my real life started. This kind of musing can be hard on those who are truly delicate flowers, but if you are going to do it—being able to take in this view as you do it, is the only way to go.
It’s a seductive concept. The promise of a greater someday gets you through the not-so-glorious times. Someday is full of hope. You never hear someone say, “Someday I’m going to be single, destitute and bitter.” And although I might start saying that just to confuse people, in general, someday has been full of fantastic possibility.
Here’s the awkward part—my friends and I have gotten to the age now where we have started looking around and asking ourselves, “Is this someday?” And if someday has now arrived, are we okay with that?
Now before you smack me, this is not about being ungrateful for the things that are positive in my life. I can’t speak for my friends, of course, but there are a great many things that I am grateful for—relative health, good relationship with my parents, supportive friendships and a romantic relationship that continues to surprise me. But if you asked me 20 years ago if I expected someday to look like my current life, I’m fairly certain I would have rolled my eyes.
Career, living situation and life in general is definitely not what I expected—though I do remember being 21 and saying something like, “I never want to own a home because I’ll be traveling all the time, and that’s too much of a hassle.” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Adorable. Naturally, the universe decided to grant the “never own a home” part of that statement because it continues to have a sense of humor.
My life is not what I want it to be. Will I be despondent if things don’t improve immediately? No. Is it because I’m clinging to the hope of a brighter someday still? Maybe. But someday isn’t a fantasy for me anymore. I want things to improve so I will improve them in some way—and in all likelihood those ways will be things that I have yet to consider. While I would never kid myself by thinking that I have enough control to guarantee myself anything, I feel like there are options available to me. I just need to figure out what they are and how to take advantage of them.
So, I’m sitting here taking inventory of those options and occasionally checking out the view.
How about you? How is your someday?