Why Working Out Doesn’t Work Out

I have really good intentions when it comes to exercise—loads of them, really. I read all the yahoo and msn articles about working out. I glance at Shape Magazine at least once or twice before buying a home decorating magazine at the newsstands. I watch Judy Greer’s Reluctantly Healthy. The problem is I rarely see results from exercise, and I put a lot of time into it.

Routine

  1. Search for work out motivation: 3 hours each day (or at least it flits through my mind every day over the course of 3 or 4 hours)
  2. Change into work out clothing: 1 minute to an hour (depending on whether or not I get lost along the way)
  3. Realization that I don’t really fit into my work out clothing: 20 minutes of solid depression
  4. Stretching in preparation to work out: 3-5 seconds
  5. Walk to the refrigerator to get water: 2 minutes or more if I’m distracted (hydration is very important, so this is time well spent)
  6. Proper positioning for crunches: 1 minute (it takes a little effort to get me down on the ground these days)
  7. Getting up to find iPod: 10 minutes (it takes even longer to get up)
  8. Repositioning for crunches: 4 minutes (because I’ve already broken a sweat looking for iPod)
  9. Doing crunches: 30 seconds (I like to get at least 5 crunches fully completed)
  10. Water break: 2 minutes (again, it’s important to hydrate)
  11. Cool down: 5 minutes prone on the floor (I don’t want to unduly strain anything)
  12. Wondering if I’ve worked out enough to justify the pita chips in the bag I can see on the counter: 5-10 seconds (I’m a decision-maker)

So, you see, I don’t think it’s my routine. My routine is sound. I’m just not getting anywhere. Huh.

2 comments on “Why Working Out Doesn’t Work Out”

  1. Carey Hagan Reply

    I've been trying to swim more, and here are my excuses for not swimming: 1). there was a really gross person in my lane with me last time; 2). my goggles are stupid/broken/missing; 3). I hate the pool's hours/temperature/parking/clientele; 4). I'm too pale to be seen in a bathing suit; 5). I can't find a tiny bottle of shampoo; 6). I got a cramp in my foot last time.I have totally different excuses for my other athletic endeavors. Yours are pretty good, by the way.

  2. Carey Hagan Reply

    I've been trying to swim more, and here are my excuses for not swimming: 1). there was a really gross person in my lane with me last time; 2). my goggles are stupid/broken/missing; 3). I hate the pool's hours/temperature/parking/clientele; 4). I'm too pale to be seen in a bathing suit; 5). I can't find a tiny bottle of shampoo; 6). I got a cramp in my foot last time.I have totally different excuses for my other athletic endeavors. Yours are pretty good, by the way.

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