The Pros and Cons of Dating

Two of my friends are now actively dating. Both situations came about through online approaches, and it has been an interesting process for me to watch. Last night, one of those women met a man who also wants to find me a date.

Interesting.

Let’s put aside the fact that no one who has ever offered to find me a date has ever succeeded—unless you count success as having all of them refuse to even meet me.  We won’t get into my special texting friend, who I never met, but will probably be considered one of my more successful relationships (yes, that’s how ridiculous they’ve been).

The natural suggestion from friends (and their dates, apparently) is for me to also get online and start meeting men. Naturally, my immediate reaction is “Hell, no!” I know it seems strange since I did ask my friends to set up blind dates. I think I can only plead temporary insanity with that—either that, or I figured if my friends actually like a guy, I could, conceivably, find him intriguing, too.

Nope, it was definitely temporary insanity.

All of these suggestions have left me with a running debate and a list—specifically a pros and cons list of the reasons I, or anyone, should date.  Before you all yell out “SEX” as an answer, let me remind you that I am me.  Have the picture of me in your head: reluctant to share, introspective, wary and isolationist.

No, seriously, stop yelling, “SEX.”

I have been alone for so long that I can’t remember the positive reasons to date. For instance, if I get a dubious text message from a person I’m seeing in real life (as opposed to my equally frustrating virtual one), I don’t want to ponder “what he means by that.” Why? Well, because nine times out of ten, I don’t care what he means by that. I just want someone to be direct with me and to tell me what they want, so I can then tell them that they can’t have it. It’s very simple.

I can’t imagine making time for someone or changing my life for someone I’ve just met right now. Or maybe I’m afraid I would. Maybe part of me believes that I would start to alter my life, and my life needs to be focused right now.

“But you could have someone to do things with!” When I want to do something, I either do it alone or go with friends.  I don’t need to date for that.

“But you could go out for romantic dinners!” I don’t eat dinner.

“But you could have those butterflies!”  I think that’s nausea.

“It makes you feel alive!” So would winning the lottery.

Yes, I am difficult. I get that. Still, this should not stop you from giving me your best reasons for why I should jump back in that shark-infested pool (Shark Week has just started on Discovery, by the way). Let me have them; why should I do this?

No, seriously, stop yelling, “SEX.”

 

14 comments on “The Pros and Cons of Dating”

  1. Helen Reply

    Okay, I really want to yell, SEX! but I know you, so I suggest these reasons: holding hands, having someone look at you in “that way” that only comes from an intimate connection, kissing (seriously underrated!), having a strong arm around you & resting your head on a broad shoulder, having him brush the hair back from your face before he kisses you…oh and seriously, SEX!

  2. Helen Reply

    Okay, I really want to yell, SEX! but I know you, so I suggest these reasons: holding hands, having someone look at you in “that way” that only comes from an intimate connection, kissing (seriously underrated!), having a strong arm around you & resting your head on a broad shoulder, having him brush the hair back from your face before he kisses you…oh and seriously, SEX!

  3. Brent Reply

    Because there are some cool guys out there that are worth getting to know and have in your life. sure you can be friends with these guys as well but there is something nice about being exclusive with a guy and knowing he loves just you. I don’t know if you put up your guard and defenses because you have been hurt A LOT in the past (the fact that you compare guys to shark week can be indicative of this) but there are great guys out there who don’t intentionally want to hurt you. So there are my reasons (all coming from a guy). So I hope someday you jump back in the water and realize it’s not only where the sharks live but where the seahorses and dolphins swim as well (or whatever your favorite fish happens to be).

  4. Brent Reply

    Because there are some cool guys out there that are worth getting to know and have in your life. sure you can be friends with these guys as well but there is something nice about being exclusive with a guy and knowing he loves just you. I don’t know if you put up your guard and defenses because you have been hurt A LOT in the past (the fact that you compare guys to shark week can be indicative of this) but there are great guys out there who don’t intentionally want to hurt you. So there are my reasons (all coming from a guy). So I hope someday you jump back in the water and realize it’s not only where the sharks live but where the seahorses and dolphins swim as well (or whatever your favorite fish happens to be).

  5. Something She Dated Reply

    Well I’m not going to yell SEX…I am going to yell kissing. But let me preface this with…I understand. Because once things suck for awhile…that’s all you remember…until they don’t anymore. And don’t worry I’m not going to wax poetic about meeting the one or love or even really a deep connection. But while I haven’t yet blogged about it…I recently had the second date of a lifetime. Did we go out to dinner? no. (I have issues with eating in front of boys that I don’t need to get into here). Did we talk all night long? no. To be honest, we watched a movie and then made out on the couch in what I can only describe as the hottest, most passionate, most exactly how I wanted it, how he wanted it, the kissing, the humping, the everything, was so amazing that when he left to go to work (he moonlights as a bouncer when personal training isn’t bringing in enough dough)…so yeah when he left fo work…I was literally still panting for like the next half hour. I called friends, texted, tweeted, I was overjoyed. No he’s not my soulmate. I’m not even sure we have that much in common….but if I ever doubt the pros of dating again I will remember that feeling. That moment. Because it totally makes all the stupid guys who got drunk, brough hatchets (don’t worry it was for a bonfire), wore lavender leather jackets, lied about their heights, worthwhile. The best I can saying is that dating fucking sucks…until it doesn’t. And that’s the moment that matters. All the best 🙂

  6. Something She Dated Reply

    Well I’m not going to yell SEX…I am going to yell kissing. But let me preface this with…I understand. Because once things suck for awhile…that’s all you remember…until they don’t anymore. And don’t worry I’m not going to wax poetic about meeting the one or love or even really a deep connection. But while I haven’t yet blogged about it…I recently had the second date of a lifetime. Did we go out to dinner? no. (I have issues with eating in front of boys that I don’t need to get into here). Did we talk all night long? no. To be honest, we watched a movie and then made out on the couch in what I can only describe as the hottest, most passionate, most exactly how I wanted it, how he wanted it, the kissing, the humping, the everything, was so amazing that when he left to go to work (he moonlights as a bouncer when personal training isn’t bringing in enough dough)…so yeah when he left fo work…I was literally still panting for like the next half hour. I called friends, texted, tweeted, I was overjoyed. No he’s not my soulmate. I’m not even sure we have that much in common….but if I ever doubt the pros of dating again I will remember that feeling. That moment. Because it totally makes all the stupid guys who got drunk, brough hatchets (don’t worry it was for a bonfire), wore lavender leather jackets, lied about their heights, worthwhile. The best I can saying is that dating fucking sucks…until it doesn’t. And that’s the moment that matters. All the best 🙂

  7. iammick Reply

    Dating is hard these days. Trying to define what dating even is is hard. I feel your pain.

    I like your writing. I look forward to reading your future posts.

  8. iammick Reply

    Dating is hard these days. Trying to define what dating even is is hard. I feel your pain.

    I like your writing. I look forward to reading your future posts.

  9. Dee Murray Reply

    One – we’re not 20 anymore. “What does he mean by that?” probably only means “would you like to go out for pizza sometime?” Or “I’d really rather just watch the game with my buddies because we’ve been doing it – just us guys – for the last 20 years”. I have learned watching male friends go through second and third relationships (or even one who is still working on his first) that they really just mean what they say. Nothing More. Nothing Less. It’s not that they’re simple, they’re just not weirdly overthinking like we are.

    Two – having someone around to do those guy things is really nice and takes a lot of mental pressure off you – you don’t HAVE to do it ALL on your own. Men like to be manly – just because you CAN change the oil in your car doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let him. And men like to cook now. There’s this cool tv channel that teaches them that it’s an easy way to show off when you know your way around a kitchen.

    Two point Five – having someone else in your corner just takes the mental pressure off you period. Knowing that you can share trying times with someone is an amazing relief. You feel like you’ve had a stone weight removed from your shoulders. Burdens shared are burdens halved.

    Three – scary noises in the night. ‘Nuff said.

    Four – SEX!!!!!!!! But not sex, sex…intimacy – that lovely thing that comes with time where you know which way his leg wraps around yours on the couch while watching a movie and you just do it because it fits. That lovely choreographed scene at the end of Working Girl that makes me cry every time where she’s eating toast and he packs her lunch…and then watching Working Girl with “HIM” and he already has the tissue ready for you because he KNOWS you cry there EVERY Time. He knows how you like your coffee and you know that he loves cheesecake with the Sunday Times crossword for breakfast on the weekends. The way you both roll over at the same time at night and still sleep better because you’re together.

    Five – That feeling of belonging in a world that belongs to just the two of you – personal jokes, little things that only you share, crazy experiences (good or bad) that you can look back on one day and have a good laugh over.

    Five point Five – opeining your world and his up to a world of your own and experiencing life from two perspectives that eventually become one.

    Six – feeling giddy. Smiling a secret smile. Blushing. Looking forward to seeing him or hearing his voice. Pulling a “Mary Tyler Moore” for no reason whatsoever. Contented sighing. Drifting off into happy sleep and waking up with a grin just because.

    And maybe you’ll get lucky and find a man that can afford to either not have to work at all, or he works from home, and can afford for you not to work, and then together the world is your oyster and all you have to do is sail around the pearl looking for adventure together!

    When my mom died my dad was devastated and never in a million years did I think he’d jump back into the pond (so quickly, but that’s another post). They’ve just celebrated their 13th anniversary and you can’t tell that they haven’t been together forever because they are so in love and so well-oiled that they’re seamless. And happy.

    That is why it’s worth it. Dating can get you there. It’s just the starting line.

  10. Dee Murray Reply

    One – we’re not 20 anymore. “What does he mean by that?” probably only means “would you like to go out for pizza sometime?” Or “I’d really rather just watch the game with my buddies because we’ve been doing it – just us guys – for the last 20 years”. I have learned watching male friends go through second and third relationships (or even one who is still working on his first) that they really just mean what they say. Nothing More. Nothing Less. It’s not that they’re simple, they’re just not weirdly overthinking like we are.

    Two – having someone around to do those guy things is really nice and takes a lot of mental pressure off you – you don’t HAVE to do it ALL on your own. Men like to be manly – just because you CAN change the oil in your car doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let him. And men like to cook now. There’s this cool tv channel that teaches them that it’s an easy way to show off when you know your way around a kitchen.

    Two point Five – having someone else in your corner just takes the mental pressure off you period. Knowing that you can share trying times with someone is an amazing relief. You feel like you’ve had a stone weight removed from your shoulders. Burdens shared are burdens halved.

    Three – scary noises in the night. ‘Nuff said.

    Four – SEX!!!!!!!! But not sex, sex…intimacy – that lovely thing that comes with time where you know which way his leg wraps around yours on the couch while watching a movie and you just do it because it fits. That lovely choreographed scene at the end of Working Girl that makes me cry every time where she’s eating toast and he packs her lunch…and then watching Working Girl with “HIM” and he already has the tissue ready for you because he KNOWS you cry there EVERY Time. He knows how you like your coffee and you know that he loves cheesecake with the Sunday Times crossword for breakfast on the weekends. The way you both roll over at the same time at night and still sleep better because you’re together.

    Five – That feeling of belonging in a world that belongs to just the two of you – personal jokes, little things that only you share, crazy experiences (good or bad) that you can look back on one day and have a good laugh over.

    Five point Five – opeining your world and his up to a world of your own and experiencing life from two perspectives that eventually become one.

    Six – feeling giddy. Smiling a secret smile. Blushing. Looking forward to seeing him or hearing his voice. Pulling a “Mary Tyler Moore” for no reason whatsoever. Contented sighing. Drifting off into happy sleep and waking up with a grin just because.

    And maybe you’ll get lucky and find a man that can afford to either not have to work at all, or he works from home, and can afford for you not to work, and then together the world is your oyster and all you have to do is sail around the pearl looking for adventure together!

    When my mom died my dad was devastated and never in a million years did I think he’d jump back into the pond (so quickly, but that’s another post). They’ve just celebrated their 13th anniversary and you can’t tell that they haven’t been together forever because they are so in love and so well-oiled that they’re seamless. And happy.

    That is why it’s worth it. Dating can get you there. It’s just the starting line.

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