Sad Story Guy

As an award-winning blogger (shhhh—let’s live with the delusion a bit longer), I feel like I should be imparting daily words of wisdom. Somehow “relationships suck” is not going to cut it anymore. Unfortunately, I have no profound wisdom. I don’t even have vaguely logical wisdom. I do, however, continue to be mystified that anyone ever has a successful relationship. And I have a lot of questions.

Here is my question for today:

Why do women hook up with men after
listening to them talk about how much they love someone else?

A recent episode of Californication sparked a vague memory of college days. A friend of mine had spent the evening listening to this guy talk about how much he missed his ex-girlfriend. Seriously, every time I checked in with them, I heard snippets of what he would do to get the ex back. The last time I checked in with them, they were hooking up (1990s version of the term).

Huh? How do you go from “She’s the only one I’ll ever want” to “Oh, yeah, right there”?

It wasn’t until much later that we discovered that the sad story was actually this guy’s modus operandi. It worked for him so often that it was actually a part of his hook-up repertoire.

I’m not saying that every guy with a sad story is a manipulative bastard. But let’s assume that they are. Why do women go for this? How is “I’ll always love someone else” a turn on?

When I cornered my friend the next day, her response was basically, “he’s cute, and he seemed so sad that I wanted to make him feel better.”

Okay. Is that what is for most women? Is the rescuer in you coming out? Are you just far more generous than I would ever be? Or is there a part of you that loves the challenge so much that you’ll go after someone in order to boost your own ego—thinking that if you get him (at least temporarily), you somehow win? I can appreciate all this theories, and lord only knows that I could use the ego boost, but if some guy tried this move on me, the outcome would probably be more like:

Sad guy: “and then she left me, and I
will always be in love with her”

Kate: Awww! That’s so sweet. (pats sad
guy’s hand) Ok, well, take care. (gets up, leaves).

Have you ever fallen for the sad story guy? Let me hear it!

Kate

2 comments on “Sad Story Guy”

  1. dandoze Reply

    Kate's question:Why do women hook up with men afterlistening to them talk about how much they love someone else?My answer:I'm not sure how serious an answer you want, but here are some possibilities:* It demonstrates emotional capacity. As in, "If I hook up with him I could get all that love."* Competition. He loves another woman… "I need to make him love me more than her because she's a bitch and I'm better than her."* Sympathy –> empathy –> intimacy –> oops i'm naked.* Illusion of the ideal man: he's sensitive and loving. This wears off quickly, and she'll lose her attraction as soon as she wakes up the next day and remembers she's really not attracted to that ideal man, she's attracted to insensitive womanizers.

  2. dandoze Reply

    Kate's question:Why do women hook up with men afterlistening to them talk about how much they love someone else?My answer:I'm not sure how serious an answer you want, but here are some possibilities:* It demonstrates emotional capacity. As in, "If I hook up with him I could get all that love."* Competition. He loves another woman… "I need to make him love me more than her because she's a bitch and I'm better than her."* Sympathy –> empathy –> intimacy –> oops i'm naked.* Illusion of the ideal man: he's sensitive and loving. This wears off quickly, and she'll lose her attraction as soon as she wakes up the next day and remembers she's really not attracted to that ideal man, she's attracted to insensitive womanizers.

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