This is really just a public service announcement to let you know that M and I have decided to rule the world. Technically our world rule started at midnight PST, but in reality it started about an hour and forty-seven minutes ago when I woke up.
It’s nothing personal. The former rulers did an okay job sometimes, but that just wasn’t cutting it for us anymore. We looked around us and noticed we had a lot of friends who are genuinely good people, working hard and getting nowhere because the universe seems to be stacked against them (or they don’t know the right people to make it to the next stage of working too hard for too little). Well, that just seems wrong. So, we’ve abolished that. From now on, if you work hard and are a good person, you are going to succeed. No need to thank us. It just seemed like the thing to do.
Also, a handful of you people really seem to need to win the lottery—not necessarily one of those $400 million kind of lotteries, but a decent $1 million win would bring about positive change for a number of you. We’re down with that. Now fixing the lottery would be illegal (and M and I are very rule aware), but with this new world order, good people are going to be rewarded—so look for that check in the mail. That’s right—under our rule you don’t even need to go to Sacramento to get it.
Now for the bad news (for some)—we’ve fixed karma. You know how you’ve sat at home grousing about the entitled people who take what they want and never seem to pay for it (in either the figurative or literal sense)? You’re thinking about the bosses who appreciate nothing, make your life miserable on a daily basis and then talk about how everyone is a big family at the holiday party. You’re thinking about the people who do nothing and get promoted while you slave and get nowhere (or more work). You’re wondering how it’s possible for someone to lay waste to the lives of others, and always come out ahead, aren’t you? Yeah. I’m not sure who disabled karma in the first place, but it’s back in action, taking names and kicking ass. You’re welcome.
We’re just getting started. And it’s possible that this is all some sort of strange fever dream. Whatever the case, we’ve just decided that it is time for us to take over. Also, it might be time for a nap… and some chocolate. And since I am now ½ of the ruling team, I’m going to grant myself permission to do both of those things before getting back down to business.
Ruler of all she surveys (unless it falls under M’s purview and then she’s got it)