NSFW: Hot Air up the HooHa

Caption Me WednesdaysA friend sent this to me in an email yesterday: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/10/22/v-steam-controversial-facial-for-your-reproductive-parts/?intcmp=obinsite

Oh, ladies. What are you doing? It’s not enough that waxing, tattooing, bleaching and vajazzling have become part of your worlds, but now you are going to spend your days blowing hot air up your hoohas?

I understand the one testimonial suggested that it may have helped with cramps and heavy periods, but seriously?  So does Midol.

The claim is that it helps “tone” the vagina, cervix and uterus. I didn’t know they were un-toned to begin with. How can you tell? Am I going to start seeing billboards that ask the question, “Do you have a flabby cervix?” Because I live in Los Angeles, and if something needs toning, there will be 15 places open tomorrow claiming to get it into shape.

You’re so worried about bacteria that you’re removing any trace of hair on your body, but you’re okay creating a breeding ground with all that humidity? Plus, won’t all those glued on crystals you’ve just vajazzled into a pubic Tumblr homage to American Horror Story fall off in the face of all that steam? That’s a waste of good money right there.

And it just seems cruel to give people hope that this technique will have a positive impact on fertility—unless somehow it is so calming that the stress of trying to get pregnant is eradicated, and that was the only issue. Otherwise, it just seems like it’s preying on people who are already desperate.

I know I live in Los Angeles, and I’m supposed to be super cutting-edge and liberal about all sorts of rejuvenating vaginal techniques (because somehow the rage against aging on our faces has extended to aging in the southern zone), but, shockingly, I’m voting no. I’ve decided to own my flabby cervix, so tell those trainers with the steam cleaners to back off.

 

Note: For the savvy spa, they should start offering two for one deals– one anal bleaching, get your vag steamed for free!

10 comments on “NSFW: Hot Air up the HooHa”

  1. MAS Reply

    I live in a tropical Florida climate. Can’t I just sit outside with my panties off? OK, yeah, the neighbors might not be too overjoyed, but it sure would tone my cervix for free.

    • KateDating Reply

      LMAO!! As long as you aim a fan toward your privates, I think it’s a winner of a plan!

  2. MAS Reply

    I live in a tropical Florida climate. Can’t I just sit outside with my panties off? OK, yeah, the neighbors might not be too overjoyed, but it sure would tone my cervix for free.

    • KateDating Reply

      LMAO!! As long as you aim a fan toward your privates, I think it’s a winner of a plan!

  3. Dee Murray Reply

    LMAO! WHAT????? This sounds so wrong on SO many levels for SO many reasons!!! I CERTAINLY hope this doesn’t come with a massage and a warm towel like a normal facial does…and do they try to hawk products afterwards…I think a toner might be a bit of an owie…don’t you??

  4. Dee Murray Reply

    LMAO! WHAT????? This sounds so wrong on SO many levels for SO many reasons!!! I CERTAINLY hope this doesn’t come with a massage and a warm towel like a normal facial does…and do they try to hawk products afterwards…I think a toner might be a bit of an owie…don’t you??

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