No Strings Attached

Kelly at HLN sent this video clip over from Dr. Drew (Dr. Drew airs weeknights on HLN at 9pm ET/PT), and I felt like I had to share because it’s long been a topic of debate among my friends and I.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=bestoftv/2011/04/06/drew.no.strings.sex.hln

If you’ve been reading this blog for more than 20 seconds, you know where I’m going to fall in this debate: I’m not capable of having “no strings attached” sex. But honestly, I don’t know why anyone would want it. All sex has risks: STDs, pregnancy, your one night stand turns out to be an axe murderer… If you think those things aren’t life changing, I think you are crazy. I like to limit the number of people who might come within a vague proximity of me. I’m sure as heck going to limit the number of people wandering around inside of me.

Sure, “it’s just sex” sounds like an easy approach to scratch a temporary itch. But try propositioning him this way: “It’s just an act that can lead to the creation of another human being if the condom breaks—bring on the child support!” Still hot?

Why take those extraordinary risks if you don’t care about someone? Literally, life and death are at issue—I’m going to need a little bit more than a wink and smile.

Now, let’s pretend that the “no strings” guy isn’t a stranger, but rather someone you know. If you are friendly enough with him (and attracted enough) to be able to suggest this, aren’t there already feelings involved? Is this an ongoing thing? Are you honestly not going to be a little hurt if he finds someone he actually wants a relationship with and starts avoiding you at work (or at the apartment complex laundry room on Thursday nights)? I don’t care how many rules are put in place—people are emotional creatures. Sex puts you in extremely vulnerable positions (so to speak). You have to trust the person you are with to some degree. Given that, I would argue that if you are even contemplating this, there is already an emotional response in play. And I know that the thinking is that you are both using each other, so it won’t matter if someone wants to end it. But does anyone really cheer about being a user or being used? Is that the thing that makes you wistful on warm summer nights?

Not shockingly, I agree with Dr. Drew: “It sounds good on paper, [but] something I like to point out to my viewers — communism looks good on paper too, it just doesn’t work so good in real life when you’re dealing with humans.”

Kate

2 comments on “No Strings Attached”

  1. Dee Murray Reply

    Nope. Not possible. People are emotional creatures and women especially. There is sex and there is a physical release of sexual buildup. If you are going to use "no strings attached" as the release of sexual buildup excuse, perhaps you should look for something that comes with batteries and a fuzzy bankie to curl up in when you're done. Otherwise, if you're looking to cuddle after, this "rule" does not apply to you. At All. Ever. And if you let a man talk you into it because they have pretty eyes and a six-pack (abs, not beer) and it sounds logical at the moment because you're mesmerized, run away! run away! Because THEY really DO mean it. And you don't need that inevitable heartache.

  2. Dee Murray Reply

    Nope. Not possible. People are emotional creatures and women especially. There is sex and there is a physical release of sexual buildup. If you are going to use "no strings attached" as the release of sexual buildup excuse, perhaps you should look for something that comes with batteries and a fuzzy bankie to curl up in when you're done. Otherwise, if you're looking to cuddle after, this "rule" does not apply to you. At All. Ever. And if you let a man talk you into it because they have pretty eyes and a six-pack (abs, not beer) and it sounds logical at the moment because you're mesmerized, run away! run away! Because THEY really DO mean it. And you don't need that inevitable heartache.

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