More On That

You’re thinking to yourself, “Why the hell is she on Twitter?” Or, “Yippee, we get to see endless scrolls of informative posts like, ‘Still not dating’ and ‘Really, still not dating’. These are valid concerns—concerns, I will ignore, of course.

Naturally, I think each and every one of you should be subjected to my profound thoughts as I have them. But since I don’t like people, and thus can’t have you actually around me, twitter is an excellent way to subject you to them without actually subjecting myself to real, social interaction. God bless technology.

But it’s also to help ease the torment of events like this past Saturday. I was invited to a wedding. Ooooh! I heard that. I heard you all go “Oh, oh” and “Glad it wasn’t me”. Being of (relatively) sound mind, single and over a certain age, my approach to wedding attendance has all the exuberance of someone contemplating their walk to the gallows. But had I been on twitter, I could have shared insightful messages like, “Only single girl at the table. Dancing has started. Must cut myself now.”

Oh, I joke a little. The wedding was lovely. The couple is perfect together. I even knew most of the people at my table, and had some fun (might have been champagne related, but I think the company was generally good). But with Twitter at my disposal, I could have looked busy when I was sitting alone rather than just… um… alone.

But the best news is I’m absolutely convinced that should I ever date again, Twitter is coming with me. I can’t see how sending endless updates to my followers could in any way damage a date. After all, I live to serve as a warning to others. Plus, I can ask for real time advice rather than waiting until after the date in order to endlessly rehash what went wrong with friends. I mean, what went right… of course.

I am poised for something. And sure, it’s possible that insanity is actually what is right around the corner rather than opportunity. Never fear. I’ll smuggle the iPhone into the rubber room with me to make sure you don’t miss the ranting.

5 comments on “More On That”

  1. danielletbd Reply

    No. Nix. Veto. That is a very bad idea. I have this friend who has a Twitter addiction. She keeps her phone at her side and whenever we’re hanging out in a big group she will randomly pick it up, type something, and chuckle to herself. When I go home later and check all my random social networking sites to see what I missed, I discover that she had been Twittering the evening away. She spends more time interacting with Twitter than with the rest of us in the room. It’s the new form of whispering secrets into someone’s ear to “leave out” others in the room; it’s a new way to appear social and like you have lots of “friends” when really all it does is isolate you. I don’t like it.

  2. Helen Reply

    I’m with you! I loathe people and yet am strangely compelled to share opinions with the masses. Sure, the masses don’t really care what I think, but I care what I think and that’s what’s important. And how can I be called antisocial when I’m using a social networking site? It’s brilliant.p.s. single girl at the wedding is never fun. I had to go to a wedding three weeks after my Rat Bastard ex broke up with me. He was supposed to have been with me. It was miserable.

  3. Dee Murray Reply

    You will never have to worry about talking to your date. Dates like to talk about themselves, and all you have to do is raise your eyebrows ocassionally, and say things like “wow!” or “really?” – next thing you know, the evening’s over! Simple! LOL!!!

  4. Helen Reply

    Yeah, isn’t it funny how in the beginning guys love talking about themselves, but after you’re in a relationship you find you’re the one talking while the guy occasionally nods or grunts–pretending to listen while actually checking baseball scores on his iPhone?

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