I was reading my horoscope yesterday, and it explicitly said that “today was my day for major flirting”. Well, far be it for me to argue with the sage wisdom of the heavens. If flirting had to be done, I was ready to do it.
Only one problem—there was no one already in my apartment to enjoy my efforts. I’ve been dieting, so I’ve been neglecting the pizza guy. I think he’s feeling hurt, so now it’s just awkward to call. He probably thinks I’m cheating with Pizza Hut (Where is the trust?). Also, ever since webvan went out of business, Brad, the delightful delivery boy hasn’t visited. He doesn’t write… or call…
I thought about trying my neighbors down by the pool, but let’s face it, flirting with neighbors could have unintended consequences. For instance, they know where you live. Flirting seems like an invitation. I flirt, and they might think they are welcome to stop by for a visit. I like to discourage everyone from stopping by. No, seriously, everyone—even people I actually like. So, you can see why flirting in my own apartment building could be very dangerous.
So, I took my show on the road. I headed toward Malibu. Malibu—the shining beacon of light and beach fantasy living. In reality, Malibu is really just a beach town. A beach town with some amazing real estate, sure, but the attitude is pure beach town. A beach town full of lovely sight seeing opportunities. And by sight seeing—you know I don’t mean museums.
Luck was with me. My horoscope was absolutely accurate. It said I would flirt, and I did. Twice. The object of my affections? Two lovely members of the Malibu Fire Department. Hmmmmm Firemen. These men were quite literally standing by the side of the road waiting for me. Of course, they were also looking for charitable donations, and I was inspired to great charity—once going up to the beach, and once coming back. I tossed my hair, and smiled, which then turned into something just slightly grotesque as my hair got sort of caught in my lipgloss and teeth. But I think men find spitting hair out of your mouth sexy, right?
I’m actually surprised they didn’t think I was stalking them because the up and back happened in fairly quick succession. The fog hadn’t burned off up there, so I basically drove up, stayed for a half an hour and drove back. But still, I considered the trip a success. After all, the view was spectacular. 😉
Let’s hope my next horoscope is as much fun!