Do you lead with your heart or your head?

AlmostProductiveI’m carefully examining every bit of email that comes to me about writing these days, and one the headlines posed the question of “heart or heart” in relation to writing. It is certainly a valid question in that context, but it sent me off on a completely different path, and I started thinking about it in terms of dating. So, now I pose the question to you: do you start on a dating path using your heart as a guide, or your head?

I’m not a wildly emotional person in most situations. I tend to be overly analytical. I’m a big fan of the “Pro and Con” lists. So, when I was faced with the prospect of dating again after such a long time, I assumed that I would approach it with rational purpose. I was going to be “Head” driven the entire way. Turns out that my approach to actually getting back into the dating arena was nearly an even split between the two.

I threw up a lot of barriers (which I suppose you could say was an emotional/fear reaction, but I thought they were reasonable objections at the time). I spent a lot of time wondering if certain things were logical, listing all the ways my life would change, analyzing my need and/or capacity for that kind of change in my life, etc.

But even though I was throwing out what I thought were perfectly reasoned and logical-based objections, for some reason I kept going back for more. Somehow, my heart was engaging even though my head was at least somewhat resistant. It wasn’t until I got them both in sync that I began to open up and explore the possibilities.

So, I’m curious about you guys.  Do you lead with your heart instead of your head in dating situations? Is it only dating that turns that way for you? Have you ever wished for a greater balance?

2 comments on “Do you lead with your heart or your head?”

  1. April Goodjohn (Susie Beaty Green) Reply

    First, in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I am 45 and have been happily married for 22 years. My observation of dating among my girl friends is this. They are exactly like you, Kate. They spend a lot of time trying to find that perfect balance: the guy who will charm your friends at a cocktail party, make your boss laugh at the quarterly firm dinner, helps your neighbor move her couch, makes a mean latte, bagel and lox but who also buys you the bracelet you admired at an auction and surprises you with it the next day. Oh, and I don’t even need to mention that you are looking for good genes. Don’t be coy with me. You all think about it. No one says it. Everyone wants beautiful, smart children.
    You want it all. And I don’t blame you.
    My advice is this. Stop willing yourself to analyze these poor guys with your heart or your head. If you read the latest post on my blog you will know what I mean by ‘just put it away’. The point I am getting to so slowly is: put your head away, don’t give any attention to what you want your heart to do and just be. I am a firm believer in Chemistry between people. You just feel it. It radiates through you and there is no mistaking the feeling. Don’t over analyze. Don’t over think it. If you are honest with yourself, you will know if he felt the same jolt. It’s all in a feeling, Clear your head and extract all expectations from your heart. Take a deep breath and don’t pay any attention to anything else. Wait for ‘the feeling; the connection; the Chemistry. Wait for it…..wait for it….and when it happens, neither of you will want to let go. And that is how you know.
    xo
    Susie Beaty Green

  2. April Goodjohn (Susie Beaty Green) Reply

    First, in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I am 45 and have been happily married for 22 years. My observation of dating among my girl friends is this. They are exactly like you, Kate. They spend a lot of time trying to find that perfect balance: the guy who will charm your friends at a cocktail party, make your boss laugh at the quarterly firm dinner, helps your neighbor move her couch, makes a mean latte, bagel and lox but who also buys you the bracelet you admired at an auction and surprises you with it the next day. Oh, and I don’t even need to mention that you are looking for good genes. Don’t be coy with me. You all think about it. No one says it. Everyone wants beautiful, smart children.
    You want it all. And I don’t blame you.
    My advice is this. Stop willing yourself to analyze these poor guys with your heart or your head. If you read the latest post on my blog you will know what I mean by ‘just put it away’. The point I am getting to so slowly is: put your head away, don’t give any attention to what you want your heart to do and just be. I am a firm believer in Chemistry between people. You just feel it. It radiates through you and there is no mistaking the feeling. Don’t over analyze. Don’t over think it. If you are honest with yourself, you will know if he felt the same jolt. It’s all in a feeling, Clear your head and extract all expectations from your heart. Take a deep breath and don’t pay any attention to anything else. Wait for ‘the feeling; the connection; the Chemistry. Wait for it…..wait for it….and when it happens, neither of you will want to let go. And that is how you know.
    xo
    Susie Beaty Green

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