This one was oddly difficult. The number isn’t particularly noteworthy, so I was somewhat surprised that in the weeks approaching it, I was feeling oddly reluctant to even talk about it – which made planning for it a challenge for Andy, I’m sure.
I think the problem was a combination of aging generally and the approaching anniversary of my leaving full-time employment (which is April 15). That combo left me more than a little reflective of life and what has (and hasn’t) been accomplished. I know that I often talk about how “should” and “expectations” can hamper real progress, but I’m still susceptible to the self-doubt that can arrive.
I have lists. I have goals. I have strategic plans. I know what I need to get done in the short-term. But those big picture questions aren’t necessarily answered when I check things off the list. And so, particularly at moments where mortality and the passage of time rear up around me, I start to wonder about what I’m actually achieving by pursuing my current goals.
I’d love to say that I came away with a renewed sense of purpose and vigor. Let’s just say I’m still working on those.